The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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