I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
