Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
