I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
