I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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