i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
