I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
