Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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