Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
