Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
