I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
