Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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