doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
