i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
