i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
