When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
