i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
