??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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