My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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