So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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