Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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