just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
