2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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