How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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