So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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