Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
