Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
