the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize