How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
