It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
