Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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