Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Quick, to the slutcave!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
