oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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