He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
