yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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