I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's like heaven, but drunker
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
