if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
