38 yer olds are good kisserssss
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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