I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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