this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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