my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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