I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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