mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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