you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
