Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
