your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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