I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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