I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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