You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
