I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
