His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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