You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
