no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
