Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
