hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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