I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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