It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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