someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
