just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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