I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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