Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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