He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
