after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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