she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
