Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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