Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
