guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
