so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
