we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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