East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
