Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
