Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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