I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize